You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
is it fun? or sober?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
