I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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