It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
