Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize