Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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