Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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