is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
