so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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