Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
