Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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