dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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