I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
