I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it's like iHOP with fire
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
