Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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