Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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