matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
