i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
