sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
