last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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