I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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