it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
