In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
