dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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