Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize