i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
