Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
