Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
