My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
