i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
