apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
