I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I will pee on everything he values.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
