i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
