just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
