he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
