Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
