My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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