I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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