Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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