just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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