woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
