what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
