just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
