Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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