exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize