I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
