You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize