i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
