This house was built for laser tag.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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