Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
