we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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