its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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