my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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