two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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