if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
