I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
