Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
