are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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