I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
