he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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