When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
