At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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