i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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