I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
