i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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