She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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