1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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