youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
