he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
