I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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