there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
