and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
