I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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