I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
