We're facebook friends in real life
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
