How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
