i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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