you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
