I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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