from now on my penis is your penis
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Panties = found
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