i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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