I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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