You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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