just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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