She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
