im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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