Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
