We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize