Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My room smells like vodka and shame
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
