You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
