Porn is love you can see.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
