I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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