she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
