I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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