: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
