so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
